How to do this ...

Is there a polite way to ask people who are in pain to talk to you about their pain?

I want answers. No, that's not accurate. I need answers. I need information in order to feel sane. There's a lack of information here, a lack of knowledge. When I'm angry or upset, I'll start to organize things. I'll clean my room or sort through my mail or file away all of my papers. The act of physically organizing forces my brain to put itself into order. But there's no amount of organizing that will put this into order until I've gleaned all of the information that I can.

I want to ask. I want to call, e-mail, get in touch however I can with anyone who can give me the details that I need.

This story ... This story has to be accurate. I'm having the hardest time writing it, getting through it, because I know that the fact's aren't right. I need to know more about the other girl. But I can't very well barge in on her family and say, "Hey, I know you're struggling and you have no idea who I am, but I'd really like it if you could tell me everything about your daughter so that I can properly write her into my story." Somehow, I don't think that will go over well. I need more details about the accident itself. What do the police theorize? Could it have happened the way I imagine it did? What about the physics of it? Can I get numbers on weight and force and put it all into a proper mathematical equation?

There's only one part of this story that I know about for sure, and even that's not as clear as I would like it to be. She was my cousin, but she wasn't my best friend. I've known her since she was born, but I don't think I ever really knew her. I loved her and I'm so lost and grieving right now, but I feel guilty about that.

I need this story and this information, but I don't know how to do it. I don't feel like I'm close enough to just ask. I don't think there's enough tact in the world that can phrase my questions without causing more pain. And would it help them? Or hurt them more? If I asked, I mean. If I asked them to talk about their pain, knowing that I'm hardly anyone and barely worthy of helping them unburden themselves. I'm at such a loss and I have nothing to do to calm myself.

If I get something wrong, I won't be able to accept it. Shit.